It’s been several weeks since my last blog post. The events in my personal life were not quite so good in April. Things have turned the corner though. I’m now out of the slump and back to writing the blog again.

From the last posting, I wrote about how things went very well with our new housemate. He was a computer consultant from another state who needed a place to stay while in town for the work assignment. Well, his contact got cut and he ended up staying with us for only a week. It was probably a good thing that he had left though. His stay turned out to be the source of heated arguments between my girlfriend and I. I won’t go into the detail, but all I can say is that the arguments really affected me tremendously. Thoughts kept popping into my head about the viability of our relationship. There were some nights where I could not sleep much. Those fearful thoughts kept coming in and they seemed to grow and expand inside my head. I tried to distract myself by exercising and doing some other activities. But those thoughts would creep in with anything that reminded me of the topic of the argument. I was in a real slump and there seemed to be no end to it. Have you ever been in the same situation?

But just as it’s always the darkest right before dawn, things began to turn around. My girlfriend and I had an intimate talk about what happened. I felt so much better afterward. My mind began to focus on our future plan to build a family. In the same way that negative thoughts seem to grow and expand inside my head, positive thoughts now propagate in my thinking instead. Having realigned my thinking from negative to positive, my confident bounced back and so was my performance in other areas of life. It’s amazing how our mind works. The thoughts that we let into our mind can make or break us indeed. This is why it’s so important that we always do a mind patrol. We must control what thoughts we let into our mind, replacing negative with positive, and keep on drilling in the positive as much as possible. It’s not easy to become aware of our thoughts and we usually realize it only afterward. Things like meditation can help us to be more aware. There are also techniques out there that may help us change our thought pattern. There is no quick-fix though. It will take work and practice to be better at recognizing our thoughts and focusing on positive ones. After what I went through the past few weeks, working on this doesn’t sound so bad after all.

Note: Image from Picasa Web Albums, Photos by Kirsten, Album: Tokase web photos, Public

I live in a 3 bedroom townhouse with my girlfriend. We sleep in the master bedroom. The other 2 rooms are rented out to help pay for the place. Although ideally we would like to have the place to ourselves, having housemates really help bring that extra monthly income we need.

We use Craigslist to advertise our room for rent. This expands the range of potential people we can reach in addition to family and friends. Credit and background checking are important, since we don’t know the person who might be living with us. Finding potential housemates was a lot easier a few years back when the economy was good. There were many people moving into the city and quite a few international students who needed a place to stay during their study. This past year was different though. The calls from Craigslist ad would be few and far in between. Luckily we were able to rent out one of the rooms to a friend of my girlfriend. There is still one empty room left and we have been diligently posting the ad to find another potential housemate.

To our surprise, we got many calls for the room this past week while we were away on vacation. It’s funny how that works. There was a lady who sounded really good over the phone. We told her that we were out of town and would definitely like to have her come by to look at the place. We were so excited about this on top of an already wonderful vacation. As you may have guessed, it did not work out with her. There were several miscommunications over the phone and when she finally came by to take a look, she seemed to have another place chosen in mind already. So back to square one for us. A few days ago we got another call. He was an IT consultant who would be in town for 3 months on a project. Since it’s our own home, we prefer a longer term stay and I politely told him that over the phone. Right after I hung up the phone with him, my girlfriend called. Oh how destiny has a way over things. I told her about the IT consultant. She rebuked me quickly and reminded me that we really need to rent the room out. I called him back and asked him to come by to see the place. Things worked out smoothly from there. The place was exactly what he was looking for and everyone was comfortable with each other (very important when sharing a place). Sometimes, a voice of reason at the right timing can really change the outcome of things. Whether it be destiny, God, or some other unexplainable force that make my girlfriend call at that moment, the point is that we could all use a good advice. Not all advices are good and we really need to look at the source. But it also doesn’t hurt to listen sometimes.

Note: Picture above is Tom Lehman’s caddie Andrew Martinez gives advice on No. 18 fairway at the Masters tournament in 2000. Image by Jennifer Bruno/Chronicle Staff. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/augusta/stories/040700/gthu7_LEHMAN_ADVICE.html

Ever tried to push through late into the night to get a few more hours of time? Yes, we all have probably been there before. Whether it be the dateline for that important project, the big entrance exam, or the wild party with that special someone, the thing that often gets push aside is our sleep.

Let’s think about it for a minute. Sleeping takes time. It takes a big chuck of time out of our day, 1/3 of a day for someone who sleeps for 8 hours. What if we could do something with that time? More things could be done and we would be so much more productive if we could do away with sleeping. But nature just doesn’t work that way. We need to sleep the same way we need to eat. And when we don’t get enough sleep, things tend to go downhill very quickly. Studies have found a relationship between the quantity and quality of one’s sleep and many health problems, such as obesity, diabetes, hypertension, and depression (www.sleepfoundation.org). The National Highway Traffic safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates that there are 100,000 police-reported crashes resulting in 1,550 deaths and 71,000 injuries annually in the United States as a result of drowsy driving (www.nysgtsc.state.ny.us/media/DDAwarenessFactSheet.pdf). Aside from the health and accidental consequences of sleep deprivation, we tend to lose focus, get cranky, and generally not perform at our best when we don’t get enough sleep.

So what shall we do? It’s nice to know the facts about sleeping and all, but we still have those datelines, exams, and activities that just simply need time. I guess we should think of it as an investment. In investment, we give some part of something in order to get more back later. For this case, we give up the time to get enough sleep, and we get a better performance back. It will save us time in the long run since we would be more productive and more efficient when we are fully rested. Regular exercise and meditation can promote good sleep while caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine can disrupt sleep. Consistent sleep patterns by keeping a regular schedule of sleep and wake times can also help. So what do you say? Shall we invest a little on ourselves? Considering that it’s past my bedtime as I’m typing this, a little more sleep sounds so good right now.

Someone’s sitting in the shade today because
someone planted a tree a long time ago.
- Warren Buffett

We are living in a society where results are the main focus. You know. We look at things like the number of points a basketball player scored in that playoff game, the score a student got on that big test, or the number trophies or awards someone has on his or her showcase.

There is nothing wrong with looking at results at all. In fact, we should be focusing on the end results we want to achieve and work our way toward it. What I’m saying is that there is also the other part that gets a lot less attention at times. It’s the preparation that leads us toward the results we want. As Warren Buffett said in the quote above, preparation comes before results.

Remember how Michael Jordan would show up early and stay late during team practice. He would spend countless hours perfecting his jump shot. How about the student who hid inside the library studying when everyone else go out and have fun. It takes tremendous effort and discipline to go the extra mile when everyone else stops. And it can be discouraging at times when there are no signs of success after all the effort we put in. There are many things in life that we can’t explain. Whether we call it luck, coincidence, fate, or whatever it may be, timing is everything. Every dog has its day… indeed. So when we are working toward something, keep on preparing and looking for opportunities at hand. The rewards can be just around the corner, if we haven’t given up before we reach it.

Note: Picture above from Professional photographer commissioned by Microsoft as part of the Windows Vista wallpaper collection.

As you probably guessed, that was Abraham Lincoln’s path to the presidency. Lincoln was likely one of the greatest presidents of all time. Considering what he had done during his presidency (preserving the nation through the civil war and ending slavery), who would have thought that his path to the presidency was full of what many could describe as failure.

Abraham Lincoln’s presidency was not an easy walk in the park, to say the least. He led the country through the worst internal crisis in American history, the Civil War. That was the only time in history that the country was torn apart and we were forced to fight and kill one of our own countrymen to resolve conflicts. It was a sad time, indeed. But as we have seen time and again, there is always the right person at hand in the midst of difficult situation. Through his close supervision, selection of top generals such as Ulysses S. Grant, and uniting leaders into cooperation, victory was accomplished. It brought about the end of slavery and the nation was preserved. Under the hands of a lesser man, the outcome of the Civil War could have turned out differently, and life in the United States could be totally different today.

Looking back at all of his unsuccessful attempts, they seem to serve as a way to prepare his character and mental capacity for difficult situations ahead. In the same way that muscle gets stronger the harder we work it, our character gets stronger the more we face and overcome trials and tribulations. Trials and tribulations are in our life for a purpose. They are there to build our character. They will continue to be there until we learn the necessary traits needed to overcome the challenge. When we finally develop the character traits to overcome them, those same trials and tribulations would seem to go away on their own. We would then be ready for even greater challenges. In Lincoln’s case, it was the challenge of historic proportion. To conclude, the next time we face a difficult situation in our life, one question we could ask ourselves would be “What can I learn from this today?”

Five-Dollar Bill featuring Abraham Lincoln, from Wikipedia. Lincoln was one of the most important figures in our nation’s history and our life. We carry him with us on a $5 bill in our pocket.

My girlfriend is going back to school right now and she will have a week break at the end of March. Work has been hectic these past few months for me and we both could really use the time away. We settled on a road trip rather than flying somewhere to save cost. The selected destination is Grand Canyon National Park. We both have never been there before and we heard from those who had gone backpacking there that it was definitely a memorable experience.

The timing could not have been better. During the end of March is a good time to do a Grand Canyon backpacking trip since the temperature down in the Canyon Valley would be just right, ~ 70°F. It gets too hot for strenuous hikes in the middle of the summer (>100°F). We already have some gears like a good pair of hiking boot and warm clothing in case it gets cold at night. We asked around and were able to borrow a backpacking tent and stove from a friend. The backpack, sleeping bag, and the rest of the items can be rented or purchased at low cost from the outdoor recreation store where my girlfriend works part-time. We spent some time planning our route and filling and faxing the form to reserve the campsites. Things are coming together nicely.

As you may have already guessed from the title above, things did not work out as we had hoped. We got a letter in the mail from the national park services several weeks later that there were no campsites available down in the places where we wanted to hike. We found out that Grand Canyon is extremely popular and people usually reserve up to four months in advance for the campsites. Since it would be the first time backpacking there and we are not experienced hikers by any mean, we did not want to go off the planned route to camp. We also did not want to go later in the summer since it may be too hot to do backpacking. So it was, the trip was cancelled and both of us were kind of sad we could not go.

A few days later, my girlfriend came home all excited. She said that her sister and brother-in-law heard what happened and suggested another option for us. They had been to Arches National Park in Utah and just felt in love with it. In fact, that was where he proposed to her. You guess it, we could not have been happier about this. This whole event just goes to show that second (or third, forth, etc.) option can really come in handy. Definitely, we should plan and pursue the first option that we really want. But it doesn’t hurt to have other plans just in case things don’t go exactly the way we hope for. Sometimes, second option can be a good thing after all.

Picture above: Park Avenue – Arches National Park – Photo from National Park Service Photo http://www.nps.gov/arch/photosmultimedia/index.htm?eid=400940&root_aId=602#e_400940

It was the first time I’ve gone to a dermatologist and I was quite impressed at the professionalism of the doctor and the clinic staff. Let’s think about this for a moment. Imagine we were sick and needed to see a doctor. The usual thing to do is to go to the local clinic, answer all the questions, and fill out all the forms. After waiting the usual 15-30 minutes in the exam room, what if the doctor walking into the room was wearing his pajama. How confident will you be at his skill and ability to treat you? What if this is not just some common cold but something rather serious? Would you judge his ability from the clothes he was wearing?

Although it doesn’t say anything about our ability or knowledge, outward appearance does matter. As much as we hate to admit, we still make the initial judgment from what we see. And first impression really does make a difference. Many times when we look in the mirror, we don’t see ourselves. What I mean is that we don’t really think about how we look. We humans are a creature of habit (I can attest to that) and we tend to go with what’s easy, comfortable, and something that worked in the past. And we wonder why sometimes we feel not so confident in ourselves and why things don’t go as smoothly as we had hoped. We are what we wear indeed.

Below is a scene from a show called “What Not To Wear” from TLC. It’s a makeover show that helps the average everyday person look better through more appropriate clothing and personal styling (haircut, make up, etc.). Not only do people look better, they feel so much more confident, more energetic, and more attractive. We don’t have to spend a fortune like in the show to do this. We can do the same for a lot less.

What it comes down to is the way we see ourselves. For if we see ourselves like the person who is worthy, attractive, and deserving of a better life, we will start to take better care of ourselves. And when we do that, the real us will simply shine through.

“No man is an island”

from “Meditation XVII,” by the English poet John Donne

As human, we are all interconnected. We are a social creature and we need one another. We are also influenced by our environment. This includes the country, the town, the neighborhood, and most importantly, the space we live in.

Whether we live in a home, an apartment, a condo, or a loft, our living space, believe it or not, our surrounding environment can influence our mind a lot more that we realize. Ever visited someone’s place and wonder how that person could ever live there. You know. A place where there is no room to walk, stuffs spread out everywhere, and not enough lighting. And what’s with the weird smell that seems to suck the life out our every breath? How did you feel being there? Could you live in a place like that? Ever wonder how the owner of the place manages to live there?

The truth is that the place probably did not start out that way. The chaos just slowly builds up overtime. After a long day of work or school, family, and all the extra things we have to do to live a life, who has time and energy to clean and organize? I mean, what harm is it to just let things be for now? We all can probably agree to that. But as we already know, we pay for it later on. Our living environment get worsen overtime and we wonder why we could not think straight or get anything done in our life. It takes constant efforts to keep things in order. But the reward is so worth it. We get to live a more productive life. You probably wonder what the deal with the picture above? It’s my garage. This was taken after a few days of cleaning and organizing it, and there were two of us doing this. I know, it’s not the neatest garage you’ve seen, but it could be worst (notice I didn’t post the “before” picture). So, what do you say? Ready for a clearer and more orderly life? Let’s pull up our sleeves and get started.

For me, the answers were yes, yes, and yes. I had a heated argument this past week with someone I am very close with. I won’t go into detail of what the argument was, who was right, and what was said. All I can tell is that I completely lost it in the heat of the moment. I turned into a completely different person and it wasn’t a nice one. Things were said that should not have been said. The whole event caused quite a stir in my relationship with that person. It also affected my interaction with those unfortunate enough to witness it. The whole thing was a mess, to say the least.

It was only after a few days had passed that I was able to think back on it without getting angry. Time always helps. Despite what the other person did and said that were unjustly and wrong, I had no excuse in losing it. If only I could take back what was said. If only there was a time machine. If only I was a better person. If only…

From reading the biography of Benjamin Franklin, I learned that he often wrote an angry letter to someone who had wronged him but never sent it. The process of venting it out on paper was more than enough to free him from anger. Someone once said that even though a person had pushed our buttons, they were still “our” buttons. We do have control over them. We can choose how to respond.

As long as there are people, there will always be someone who will rub us the wrong way. There will always be someone who will push our buttons, whether accidentally or intentionally. And as long as we cannot change other people (Oh how I tried…), the only thing we can do is to change ourselves. We can gain control back by choosing not to respond to the stimulus. We can “un-push” the buttons. I know, I know… it’s easier said than done. Oh how I’ve tried and fail again on this. But the only way to succeed is to try. So the next time someone pushes my buttons, I will try to remember to “un-push” it and just walk away.

To start this blog back up again, I needed materials to work with. I went to a used book store (notice the word “used”, what a cheap *&@%!). The books there are priced at about half the regular price. Most items are hardly read at all and are in excellent condition. They even have brand new older books for sale there. I browsed around and found some books on inspirational quotes and stories. There is also a clearance section in the back where items are marked down, and I mean way down. After perusing through the many titles on the shelf, my eyes caught this one item. It was a biography on Benjamin Franklin by Edmund S. Morgan, a Professor of History at Yale University. I have heard over and over again about Ben Franklin in the past and have always wanted to read both a biography and also some of his famous writings. This book was on the New York Times Bests Seller list and was on sale for $1.00!

So there I was, gloating all the way home. To me, it felt like I had just won an Olympic gold medal! It’s amazing how silly little things in life can make us so happy. In our society, we are conditioned to associate happiness with big events in life, like meeting the love of your life, getting a dream job, or traveling around the world. Many times, we fail to see that happiness doesn’t have to be just on special occasions. It can be found anywhere and anytime, as long as we look for it. Even in the midst of the direst situations, there is always something to gain, even though we may not realize it at the time. Imagine what it would be like if we were to be happy, very happy, and quite often, almost all the time. Got a used book store nearby?